brokenpurplecrayon

or, if you have bronchitis, wish for the moment you can.  i’m wishing right now, but also trying to take that breath in my heart.  i’ve found myself all caught back up in the stress of work and life.  i’ve gotten away from daily meditation, from contemplating all the peace i really do have in my life, and from my sense of gratitude.

a friend of mine found themself in a similar place and was told to read Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now.  i read it sometime last year but decided i’d follow the advice and read it again.  i need to reconnect with both myself and all the love in my life.

Warning: stream of consciousness processing to follow.

So I’m processing the concept that the Truth is Love & everything else is constructs of our own design based on opinions & judgements & basically our own garbage. I keep coming up against the explanation that there is no good & bad behavior, only behavior (ie: communication) in context. I keep coming up against perceptions and opinions and judgements – perpetuations of misinterpretations being used to justify behaviors and opinions being passed off as Truth. I keep finding myself trying to reframe my opinions & perceptions & judgements about others to find the places of Love, connection, and understanding, and still, inevitably, lacking awareness and coming up short (mind you, recognizing it all in retrospect, after I’ve ranted or bitched or otherwise let loose my opinions). And I try to remember to give myself the same compassion and not chide too harshly and move ever forward, growing and building on Now & letting go of Then… And yet, I keep finding (or am I really placing) myself in a sort of Teacher role… Instructor, Supervisor, Friend – feeling like a sham in some ways and grateful to Help in others. Cliches buffet my ego – the more I learn the more I realize the less I know. Sometimes I feel like I ‘know’ so much that I’m a raving idiot standing in the town square spouting my own peculiar brand of fanciful madness that passerbys either find offensive or mildly entertaining. and then I realize I’m stone cold sober and nobody would believe it even if I bothered to try to convince them.
So, instead, I ramble on, dumping the tangled mess of Words and Thoughts into my blackberry when I should really be sleeping – just to try to make sense of them. Or not.

all we have are our perceptions. our very flawed, biased, opinionated, experiential based perceptions. and despite the fact that a person can be standing right in front of us, we may never move past our inner perceptions to ever really truly know someone.

sometimes i wonder if it is even possible.

Today, I’m in a training to help local clinicians become more competent in the field of Adoption. While I don’t do therapy per se, my degree is clinical – and while my role is less clinical than a therapist’s, I do find myself considering clinical issues and the impact adoption has not only on the children but the families as well. One of the topics we tackled today was about feeling different.

The topic struck me as both pertinent and silly at the same time. Of course a child who is adopted has the potential to feel different, but truly, can you show me ANY child who, at some point, does not feel that they are different?

For that matter, can you find me any adult today who doesn’t still feel, to some degree, different? The saying makes me smile every time, but how true – “You’re unique… Just like everyone else.”

And yet, those differences, those uniquenesses, truly make us more alike than we can ever imagine.

I’ve had a theory about thoughts and intention that has been brewing around in my little noggin lately.  It has been building slowly, accumulating from snippets of religion, quantum physics, and the writings of Don Miguel Ruiz & Eckhart Tolle.  Toss in a little sprig of personal experience and we’ve got a whole tree forming in there.

So basically it goes from the idea that thoughts affect reality. Our thoughts have power.  Our intention has power.  You can feel it most specifically in churches where people’s thoughts & intentions are focused on a common belief and purpose.  There’s a tangible feeling present at times – an electricity or a vibration that permeates the space.

Some people call our focused intention a prayer, meditation, even spells or blessings.  But the result is the same – focused intent and thoughts towards a specific goal or purpose. Now, if you add in the idea in quantum physics that an object exists partially because it is observed – that the will of the observer to see the object actually affects the reality of its existance …. means that we help to create our world.

So, we create our world through collective consciousness.  And that’s where my brain starts cartwheeling.  How much do we influence creation?  We affect other people with such ease that it has become unconscious.  Can you make a person feel an emotion? Yes and no – I can project my thoughts and intentions and you can pick up on them & have an emotional or physical response …. but I can’t specifically control what that response will be.  If I learn to read you, I can change my ‘tactics’ and learn what intentions and thoughts produce which response in you.  Most of the time, this is an unconscious – or partially conscious process (called manipulation). But what if we moved into the realm of using this knowledge and ‘power’ intentionally? 

We do it every day when we send people love and healing. 

Going to keep pondering this a bit more. I believe there’s more bouncing around in my head about this topic, but for now, I wanted to get the preliminary thoughts out.