feral cat my eye… when we come home she can’t wait to crawl into my lap for love.

Martian Hat

Mel on Vacation

There’s a water filter commercial on tv where the guy from Scrubs says “magic bananas” … I like that phrase. It makes me smile.

I feel like organizing things. Maybe I’m trying to create or find some order or sense in my life. Things feel messy. OCD to the rescue!

Touch keyboards are definitely more difficult to compose long thoughts on. My thumbs are not as precise when there’s no physical key to discern.

I had a very productive day today, and it felt good. I had a total ego moment that I didn’t really catch until now… but suspected along the way. (Vague much.)

Watched Oprah’s life class on tv. Thought it was good. Got me all internal and reflective… predictable. Hence the mind dump.

Wondering what it is I’m meant to do here. You know… cosmic navel gazing.

Had a nice long snuggle with the Puddy cat. Contemplated her mortality. I find myself doing that more & more lately. Makes me sniffly.

Didn’t eat lunch today. Didn’t die from missing a meal. Yes… I really was that productive today. Probably should pack a lunch tomorrow.

Just scrolled up & read all this randomness. One might think I am in need of a psychopharmaceutical intervention. Nah. Had Ritalin in 3rd grade – it put me to sleep. I just have a rampaging monkey mind right now.

Anybody got a magic banana?

Heh – I always get a kick when these things hit the nail on the head.

I am obscenely blessed by the incredible people in my life. I do my best to let them know how much I love them – life is far too short for people not to know that they are loved.

I’m starting week two of my Paleo eating experiment and I feel good!  I have missed meals and not died of starvation (which is a huge change for me) and I haven’t had any real carb cravings to speak of. I’ve checked the scale and I’ve clearly passed the “typical water weight loss” that happens at the beginning of any eating plan and now I’m into the “pounds melting off” mode! Yay!

Most underrated wonderful thing: a nice long nap. Sleep is so important… and I don’t know if there’s been a lot of research on dreaming but I am completely addicted to my dreams. I love dreaming. I love trying to figure out what my mind is trying to process when it dreams.

I have always wondered if we can affect other people’s dreams. I know energy can be sent and received and felt … and I can’t imagine that it doesn’t affect us.  I always wonder when I get a really weird dream that doesn’t seem like it fits my normal groove if someone sent it or if I picked it up from someone/where. I had some fabulously freaky strange yet wonderful dreams the other day. They were fun, so thanks energy!

So cancer treatment is finally over it seems. Corrine finished her last radiation treatment today and called me on my cell at work, crying. I tensed, thinking the worst, as she quickly explained she was so touched and moved by the fact that when she finished getting dressed and stepped out of the dressing room, the entire radiation oncology staff were lining the halls with noisemakers, bubble machines, and a certificate for her.  They whooped and hollered and let her ring the shipyard bell mounted on the wall for just such occasions.  A touching way to mark such a hard won end of a journey.

Now, a new journey begins – the road back to health.  We’ve still got double hip replacements on the horizon – which is where our journey began back in October – but the road doesn’t seem nearly as daunting as when we first heard the words, “I’m sorry, but you have Cancer.”

I can’t begin to document the ways in which we have been shown love these past few months, the lessons about life and people and friendship I’ve learned, or the gratitude and strength I’ve discovered through all of this.  We are changed – maybe subtly as Jill puts it – but definitely changed.

I am a joker & can be silly at times. At work, I tend to be pretty serious. I was trying to explain a complicated situation to someone & before I could get a quarter of the explanation out, they reacted negatively – and then started playing things off like it was some huge joke I was playing.

I deal with people’s lives. I deal with the integrity of families. I don’t joke about those issues. They are sacred to me and I don’t take what I do lightly.

I snapped a bit & bruskly told them to let me finish the explanation and then I’d make my request and then I’d expect a response.

You know, typing this out, I realize I’m guilty of doing this myself – reacting before the whole story is out of the other person’s mouth. Hmmm. Interesting. I guess I need to be more aware of that before I go getting mad of someone else for doing it too.

Of course, it also means I’ve been staying up WAY too late to read – and not getting enough sleep. I think I read 8+ hours at camp on Saturday – instead of going out to dance at the disco and hang out with friends, I holed up in my camper cave and read. And it was blissful.  I even borrowed a friend’s suggestion and tucked my Kindle into a Ziploc bag for my Sunday night bath.

Life, overall, is pretty good. My sweetie has her last chemo this Wednesday. All these toxic chemicals have messed with her head a bit and she’s been battling some emotional monsters, but truthfully, she’s really doing well through this whole journey.  We try to have lunch together during the week when my schedule allows.  I signed us up for family membership at the YMCA near our house – I’ve gone to a couple of spin classes already. I liked the workout (within reason – I couldn’t do all the hardcore stuff) but I realized yesterday that I don’t like the stress.  I don’t like the pressure to push my body quite that hard and I don’t like people yelling at me (to push).  Exercise is my stress relief.  I’ll probably go use the bikes in the fitness room tonight – and if I like it, I really should dig around and find out whatever happened to my ipod. (heh – just found it in my coffee table basket)

I’m not making as much headway on the weight loss front as I wanted to. Weight watchers really didn’t work for me this time around – I wasn’t committed to the tracker. I haven’t given up but I keep getting strong feelings to let the idea of losing weight go and focus more on getting healthier. I don’t know if that’s my instinct/intuition trying to guide me or my laziness/lack of motivation rationalizing me into dropping it.

And I’m still getting very strong vibes that I should be meditating (I’d say “more” but the reality is that I’m not meditating with any regularity at all right now). I am not ignoring the need, I just can’t seem to make the time for it – even though I’m suffering with stress and anger.  Hand, meet fire. *shakes head*

The Florida Gay Rodeo Association has it’s Sunshine Stampede this weekend in Davie. I’ll be competing in the Wild Drag Race both days.  I’ve never been in a rodeo before, so this will hopefully be a lot of fun.

don’t get me wrong, i don’t polish off packages and packages of twinkies and popsicles, but i did eat a couple of handfuls of poppycock. i’ve been trying to stick pretty well to the weight watcher plan and those handfuls clearly weren’t on my plan.

the good news is, tomorrow’s a new day. yesterday was busy at work, long due to yoga, and then we had an unexpected ER trip when Cor’s temperature spiked to 101 and she couldn’t stop shaking.

ant bites can do that to her and we really didn’t account for that complexity when she switched to the new chemo. luckily, she is relatively ok and we see the oncologist tomorrow.

current kindle love: cutting for stone.

i lived in a house where several rooms were overrun by rats. i had to close off those sections of the house and lived in constant fear that the rats would somehow invade more rooms.

then there were intrusive family members who invaded my room and my space – i kept reinforcing my boundaries, both physical and verbal, but they would take my things, move into my areas, hit me, etc.

there was sound pollution in my dreams – televisions that wouldn’t turn off, people who wouldn’t stop talking – constant noise.

everywhere i looked there was one disturbing challenge after another.

i was grateful to wake up.