brokenpurplecrayon » proust

Finishing Proust

snack — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 05:33:12 +0000

I started the Proust questionnaire a few months ago and never got around to finishing it.

I’m going to finish off the answers in this post (thus, bringing an end to the project … for now).

What is your favorite occupation?

Currently, I work in foster care adoptions and am an instructor for the Human Services department at Kaplan. I really love both jobs. I adore working with the children in the child welfare system because I know the pain and fear and frustration they feel – the powerlessness over your life and wondering if anyone really gives a damn about you. I also know what it feels like to be embraced by friends and family who reach out to you when you’re in pain and pull you back into the word called “family”. Family is vital. Family is not always blood. As an instructor, I find that I can help pass along my passion for reaching out to others and help a new generation of human service professionals reach out and make a difference to someone in pain.

What is your most marked characteristic?

I’m going with my sense of humor. I can’t help but go for a silly comment when the opportunity arises. I like to laugh and smile and I enjoy when others do the same.

What do you most value in your friends?

Their honesty. Nothing can punch you in the gut worse than the honesty of a friend – but it is one of the most important and valuable things they can give you. Friends are the ones who can hold the mirror up to you with love and show you when and where you have opportunity to grow. Love and support are wonderful but honesty is the one thing you just can’t do without in a true friendship.

Who are your favorite writers?

My favorite writer of all time was Douglas Adams. Hands down – the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series changed my life in ways I can’t explain. Maybe the whole sense of humor thing plays in this question as well.

Who is your hero of fiction?

The first things that come to mind from books and movies and other such outlets include Robin William’s portrayal of the reawakening Peter Pan (when he crows) from Hook, Aslan from Narnia, Meg & Charles & the Mrs. from A Wrinkle in Time, Merlin, Star Trek captains & crew….. the characters that all came through in the end.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Wow. I can’t think of one. I admire many but can’t say I identify with any of them.

Who are your heroes in real life?

Wow again! Apparently heroes is a bit theme for Proust! I admire oh so many people in real life. Linda, the school counselor that redirected all this energy to be used for good instead of mischief. Stephanie, who was both my hero and allowed me to briefly be hers. Price, my first true love. Corrine, for challenging me daily to be better. Jill who gave me a mirror to examine my perceptions about belief and shatter them. Mitzi and Chad who gave me another mirror to shatter my self-perceptions. Julie and Jennifer who saw my potential and pushed me towards it. And so many more…

What are your favorite names?

Georgia, Rowan, Price

What is it that you most dislike?

Being out of control. Its inevitable and unavoidable but I dislike it intensely. I’m getting better about learning to recognize when I am not in control and allow things to be as they are … but I still intensely dislike the feeling – even when I am trying to sit with the lack of control.

What is your greatest regret?

Opportunities I passed up in life. None specific but just a general passing up of proffered opportunities. Life is for living.

How would you like to die?

I have a morbid daydream that plays out when I am feeling particularly lonely or depressed or sad – that something tragic happens to me and I lay in the hospital for days or weeks, suffering, and I am alone. Its the ultimate pity party fear that crops up when my need for love and validation is not met. So, I would like to die peacefully, surrounded by loved ones, knowing I am loved.

What is your motto?

I don’t have a particular motto but I try to talk about Love as much as I can. Love is the only thing. Maybe that’s my motto. Love is the only thing.

what do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

snack — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 13:10:31 +0000

being untrue to yourself. i know we are a collection of personas that we show to the world – and sometimes we even forget our authentic self because of all the masks we wear, but when you know who you are – when you are connected to your authentic self, and you go against it…. i imagine that must be the lowest depth of misery imaginable.

what is your most treasured possession?

snack — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 01:02:46 +0000

i have lost so many material possessions in my life so far that i don’t know that i can say there is any particular one thing i could not live without. but as far as being treasured, i have the quilt my mother made me as a small child – i helped her make it by picking out the material squares she sewed into block patterns. i love the quilt, threadbare as it has become. i refused to sleep anywhere without it during most of my childhood – even in the summer. it is beautiful.

where would you most like to live?

snack — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 00:59:37 +0000

barring the hurricanes, i really do love living in south florida. i have found that i don’t do well in drier climates – my asthma and skin/sinuses really rebel. i will always love my childhood home of texas, but my adult home has become south florida.

if you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

snack — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 00:02:32 +0000

i can’t think of any person, specifically, i’d like to come back as – like what type of person or lifestyle or position … i think there’s so much that is left to chance and circumstance in a person’s life on what happens. when you add in a person’s resilency and tenacity – that’s where the change comes in.

but a thing – hmm. i’ve always said that i’d come back as a tree. i don’t know what sort of power it is that trees have over my soul but it is difficult for me not to be in awe of an incredible tree. it might also be because when my first true love died when i was 9 years old, my grandfather, they read his favorite poem:

Trees

by Joyce Kilmer

I think that I shall never see

A poem lovely as a tree.

A tree whose hungry mouth is prest

Against the earth’s sweet flowing breast;

A tree that looks at God all day,

And lifts her leafy arms to pray;

A tree that may in Summer wear

A nest of robins in her hair;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain;

Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me,

But only God can make a tree.

what do you consider your greatest achievement?

snack — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 01:02:30 +0000

this is easy.

truly frighteningly easy.

i’ve helped build families.

i’ve helped children in need.

even if i never learn another thing, never complete another task, and never accomplish another thing – i’ll have been succesful! i am truly blessed and happy and hope to keep growing and learning and helping.

if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

snack — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 19:08:37 +0000

i would set my emotions on a 10 second delay. during those 10 seconds, my brain and breathing would automatically engage. this way, i would (hopefully) significantly decrease my possibilities for judgement and over-reaction.

since i haven’t figured out a way to set myself on auto-delay… i guess i need to take a few more deep breaths.

which talent would you most like to have?

snack — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 01:29:21 +0000

i would be happy with any of the following talents:

the ability to speak and understand multiple languages
the ability to dance well
the ability to play the guitar or piano well (can only pick out melodies by ear)
the ability to be able to grow a full blown garden (or even keep my bamboo alive)

and, if you want to move into the superhero realm, i would like to either have the ability to know what people are thinking or the ability to live forever and be part of every culture! (but i haven’t worked out the logistics of living forever – it would get really complicated with identification and finances. and knowing what people are really thinking, versus what they say, might end up being really painful)

when and where were you happiest?

snack — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 02:47:43 +0000

i can remember a few moments of sheer blissfulness:

visiting the top of the Empire State Building in NYC the day i got to meet Corrine face to face for the first time.

in Key West watching the sun set over the ocean with Cor after snorkling at a nearby reef.

building my first snow man in Cor’s backyard in Pennsylvania.

lots and lots of wonderfully indulgent nap times with fabulous relaxy goodness. and kitty and puppy snuggles as an added bonus.

what or who is the greatest love of your life?

snack — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 01:50:23 +0000

i have a philosophy about love. i believe that every person and every thing has its own love frequency. every single person and passion is our life is unique and we have a unique love for each person and passion. humans have an incredible capacity to love. we have so many loves in our life if we just learn to recognize and value them.

i believe that the longest lasting passion in my life has been my desire to want to leave the world a better place than i found it. i want to make a difference. not in regards to being known or honored, but in knowing that somehow, my being in the world truly, honestly, and without question, made someone’s life a more loving, safer, and beautiful place to be. that i helped someone reach their potential. that i made a difference.

yeah, i watched It’s a Wonderful Life waaaay too many times as a kid. it stuck.

the incredible and glorious result of this driving passion is that i know i have fulfilled my desire. i know, without a shadow of a doubt that my life has made a difference. i don’t know to what degree or what consequences will result in my little glimmer of rainbow shimmer in this world, but i know that it is inherently more beautiful because i was here.

and that makes my love just a little bit brighter.