brokenpurplecrayon

Warning: stream of consciousness processing to follow.

So I’m processing the concept that the Truth is Love & everything else is constructs of our own design based on opinions & judgements & basically our own garbage. I keep coming up against the explanation that there is no good & bad behavior, only behavior (ie: communication) in context. I keep coming up against perceptions and opinions and judgements – perpetuations of misinterpretations being used to justify behaviors and opinions being passed off as Truth. I keep finding myself trying to reframe my opinions & perceptions & judgements about others to find the places of Love, connection, and understanding, and still, inevitably, lacking awareness and coming up short (mind you, recognizing it all in retrospect, after I’ve ranted or bitched or otherwise let loose my opinions). And I try to remember to give myself the same compassion and not chide too harshly and move ever forward, growing and building on Now & letting go of Then… And yet, I keep finding (or am I really placing) myself in a sort of Teacher role… Instructor, Supervisor, Friend – feeling like a sham in some ways and grateful to Help in others. Cliches buffet my ego – the more I learn the more I realize the less I know. Sometimes I feel like I ‘know’ so much that I’m a raving idiot standing in the town square spouting my own peculiar brand of fanciful madness that passerbys either find offensive or mildly entertaining. and then I realize I’m stone cold sober and nobody would believe it even if I bothered to try to convince them.
So, instead, I ramble on, dumping the tangled mess of Words and Thoughts into my blackberry when I should really be sleeping – just to try to make sense of them. Or not.