brokenpurplecrayon

I sang last night.

It was a little after 3am in the Rec Hall at Camp and most everyone else had gone to bed. There were a small handful of us left, enjoying the fire in the fireplace and feeling the effects of the hour and the amounts of alcohol and food consumed.

The owner put on Susan Boyle’s CD to wind down for the night. I hadn’t listened to it before, but found that I could sing along to some of her stuff… I asked him to skip ahead to the one song I knew I could match – Amazing Grace.

Those who knew me once upon a time know I was deeply religious. My faith saw me through times in my life that made little sense and over which I had no control. But my ever curious mind inevitably eroded my faith in the answers provided through a filter of human experience and I turned my spirit to the faith I felt, not one I could rationalize. Love became my religion. But my heart still fills with joy when I’m singing some religious hymns from my youth. Amazing Grace is one.

So I sang. I poured every emotion I had into the singing (and I feel a LOT!) and let my voice fill the hall – stuffing down my insecurities and self consciousness of singing in front of others for a few brief moments so I could fulfill a need. I don’t know if it was technically good, if anyone appreciated it, or if anyone was even truly hearing what it meant to me… but I sang. I walked and I sang. And it felt good.

I think we all have our steam jackets on to help keep our emotions in check, and thusly, we all have our own unique pressure release valves for letting off the excess. I believe mine is singing. Realizations at 3:00am.