lately, i’ve noticed a disturbing trend.  ok, so more honestly, i’ve done this my whole life, but it has, as of late, begun to disturb me.  i talk about myself a LOT.

i can break this habit down into helpful and unhelpful times:

helpful times: when i’m trying to learn something and compare current experiences to past experiences …. or other people’s experiences to mine.

unhelpful times: when i don’t shut up about me.

yeah, and i’m noticing that the unhelpful times are outweighing the helpful times.

one of my friends stated once that she was a self-improvement junkie (or something similar).  i totally agree with, identify with, and wholeheartedly buy into that label.  i want to be the best me that i can possibly ever hope to be.  because in my world, if i’m the best ME i can be, i can give all of that goodness to you and then you can be the best You.

it sounds hokey, but its what i’m going with.

so as i’m lying in bed tonight, valiantly but vainly fighting to go to sleep (damn you delicious afternoon nap!) …. i realize, maybe i’m focusing on myself a lot verbally because i’m not really focusing on my self in the right ways. i’m talking about me but i’m not really taking care of me.

and, for the record, writing in one’s own personal blog, about one’s self, is not considered inappropriate… especially when one is working out one’s shit.

so, the slightly cracked, but not yet broken, record is back on the turntable.  i’m going to focus on getting this body, this mind, and this self back into a more respectable shape.  i have some areas of focus:

• Love: i’m going to share all the love this heart holds (watch out people, i’ve got more love than you’re going to be ready for!).  i’m going to give it to my sweetie (get yer mind out of the gutter … ok, now you can put it back), my friends, my family, my coworkers (no, seriously, keep it out of there!), and pretty much everyone else i come into contact with!  all ya need is LOVE!!  la la la la la!
• Quiet: i have a mental waterfall on the scale of victoria falls and niagra combined … mental chatter.  monkey mind.  i like to sleep with white noise, so i put earplugs in and let the noise in my head lull me to sleep (true story). for a while now i have been looking for quiet places in my mind, in my day, and in my heart.   i like those places from time to time.  but if i stay there too long, i get stuck.  so i’m going to try to remember to take quiet breaks and turn some of this cup runneth over … off. (and consequently, talk about myself less)
• Sweat: you read right.  (seriously, mind, pick yourself up and go sit in the corner for a while).  i need to sweat more.  my back yard is currently gearing up and getting me ready for a sweat-a-thon later this week when i have to mow the grass.  but i want hardcore drenched and oh lord, i need to lie down voluntarily or i’m gonna do it involuntarily and bring me some iced-tea!  i want my legs to stop working temporarily because of how far i ride my bike or how hard i worked them in tai chi.  i want to wake up and feel like i got hit by a truck and grin through the pain because i know i’ll be stronger. note to self: buy stock in Degree deodorant….
• Food: sweetie has a saying ‘ food is love’.  and in our house, its true.  food is how we show our guests we love and honor them – we feed them well.  food is how she tells me every day how much she loves me – she feeds me well.  food is how i try to enter her world and speak her language.  sadly, all that love tends to add up on the scales and in the hips of my jeans.  i have been very lucky that i have not gained any significant amount of weight back from my inital loss.  but i have also not been able to punch through this plateau and lose any more weight.  so, i’m going to love myself a little better with my food choices.

so maybe, after all this, i will be less focused on ME in the end, and can focus on everyone else in my life that means so much to me!