brokenpurplecrayon

it’s getting close to the end of the month. my gratitude and tai chi ‘resolutions’ for the month didn’t quite manifest. instead, i got a huge dose of self awareness, dealing with my perceptions, creating my reality, and truly being in charge of my own suffering & craving. incredibly painful life lessons – but valuable. (so i guess the gratitude *does* play!)

the daily tai chi, however, was a complete fail. i did have a positive physical experiment though – i avoided the scale for weeks and tried to make reasonable choices (not necessarily *good*). the beautiful part is that i maintained my weight! even eating crap when i wanted to – i maintained! this fact makes me utterly joyful.

so my to do list (should i choose to accept it) includes:

• daily meditation: i *need* to learn to deal with my thoughts & perceptions better. i am sensitive, judgmental, sarcastic, have guilt issues, tend to project, and am prone towards mildly obsessive thinking. that combination can create some really fucked up mental situations that basically put me into a living hell while i entertain the thoughts. so, with all my self awareness i need to learn how to recognize the spiral when it starts – acknowledge it and let it go immediately. i think i’ll save myself a LOT of suffering!
• DO THE TAI CHI!: no, seriously! because i’ve got a good flow going with my forms. and we’re learning a new broad sword technique now that requires a better mastery of the basic stances and moves … so make with the mastering already!
• love my life: i really have the perfect life. i have an incredibly wonderful partner who both challenges and loves me, a great job with coworkers who genuinely care about one another, and some of the most amazing people in the world that i can count among my friends and chosen family (especially the ciocias!). i need to remember this more often and see myself through their eyes a little more often. they keep me realistic about my growth. Gratitude Baby!!

.:{brokenpurplecrayon}:.