all we have are our perceptions. our very flawed, biased, opinionated, experiential based perceptions. and despite the fact that a person can be standing right in front of us, we may never move past our inner perceptions to ever really truly know someone.
sometimes i wonder if it is even possible.
Today, I’m in a training to help local clinicians become more competent in the field of Adoption. While I don’t do therapy per se, my degree is clinical – and while my role is less clinical than a therapist’s, I do find myself considering clinical issues and the impact adoption has not only on the children but the families as well. One of the topics we tackled today was about feeling different.
The topic struck me as both pertinent and silly at the same time. Of course a child who is adopted has the potential to feel different, but truly, can you show me ANY child who, at some point, does not feel that they are different?
For that matter, can you find me any adult today who doesn’t still feel, to some degree, different? The saying makes me smile every time, but how true – “You’re unique… Just like everyone else.”
And yet, those differences, those uniquenesses, truly make us more alike than we can ever imagine.
I’ve had a theory about thoughts and intention that has been brewing around in my little noggin lately. It has been building slowly, accumulating from snippets of religion, quantum physics, and the writings of Don Miguel Ruiz & Eckhart Tolle. Toss in a little sprig of personal experience and we’ve got a whole tree forming in there.
So basically it goes from the idea that thoughts affect reality. Our thoughts have power. Our intention has power. You can feel it most specifically in churches where people’s thoughts & intentions are focused on a common belief and purpose. There’s a tangible feeling present at times – an electricity or a vibration that permeates the space.
Some people call our focused intention a prayer, meditation, even spells or blessings. But the result is the same – focused intent and thoughts towards a specific goal or purpose. Now, if you add in the idea in quantum physics that an object exists partially because it is observed – that the will of the observer to see the object actually affects the reality of its existance …. means that we help to create our world.
So, we create our world through collective consciousness. And that’s where my brain starts cartwheeling. How much do we influence creation? We affect other people with such ease that it has become unconscious. Can you make a person feel an emotion? Yes and no – I can project my thoughts and intentions and you can pick up on them & have an emotional or physical response …. but I can’t specifically control what that response will be. If I learn to read you, I can change my ‘tactics’ and learn what intentions and thoughts produce which response in you. Most of the time, this is an unconscious – or partially conscious process (called manipulation). But what if we moved into the realm of using this knowledge and ‘power’ intentionally?
We do it every day when we send people love and healing.
Going to keep pondering this a bit more. I believe there’s more bouncing around in my head about this topic, but for now, I wanted to get the preliminary thoughts out.
I started the Proust questionnaire a few months ago and never got around to finishing it.
I’m going to finish off the answers in this post (thus, bringing an end to the project … for now).
What is your favorite occupation?
Currently, I work in foster care adoptions and am an instructor for the Human Services department at Kaplan. I really love both jobs. I adore working with the children in the child welfare system because I know the pain and fear and frustration they feel – the powerlessness over your life and wondering if anyone really gives a damn about you. I also know what it feels like to be embraced by friends and family who reach out to you when you’re in pain and pull you back into the word called “family”. Family is vital. Family is not always blood. As an instructor, I find that I can help pass along my passion for reaching out to others and help a new generation of human service professionals reach out and make a difference to someone in pain.
What is your most marked characteristic?
I’m going with my sense of humor. I can’t help but go for a silly comment when the opportunity arises. I like to laugh and smile and I enjoy when others do the same.
What do you most value in your friends?
Their honesty. Nothing can punch you in the gut worse than the honesty of a friend – but it is one of the most important and valuable things they can give you. Friends are the ones who can hold the mirror up to you with love and show you when and where you have opportunity to grow. Love and support are wonderful but honesty is the one thing you just can’t do without in a true friendship.
Who are your favorite writers?
My favorite writer of all time was Douglas Adams. Hands down – the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series changed my life in ways I can’t explain. Maybe the whole sense of humor thing plays in this question as well.
Who is your hero of fiction?
The first things that come to mind from books and movies and other such outlets include Robin William’s portrayal of the reawakening Peter Pan (when he crows) from Hook, Aslan from Narnia, Meg & Charles & the Mrs. from A Wrinkle in Time, Merlin, Star Trek captains & crew….. the characters that all came through in the end.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Wow. I can’t think of one. I admire many but can’t say I identify with any of them.
Who are your heroes in real life?
Wow again! Apparently heroes is a bit theme for Proust! I admire oh so many people in real life. Linda, the school counselor that redirected all this energy to be used for good instead of mischief. Stephanie, who was both my hero and allowed me to briefly be hers. Price, my first true love. Corrine, for challenging me daily to be better. Jill who gave me a mirror to examine my perceptions about belief and shatter them. Mitzi and Chad who gave me another mirror to shatter my self-perceptions. Julie and Jennifer who saw my potential and pushed me towards it. And so many more…
What are your favorite names?
Georgia, Rowan, Price
What is it that you most dislike?
Being out of control. Its inevitable and unavoidable but I dislike it intensely. I’m getting better about learning to recognize when I am not in control and allow things to be as they are … but I still intensely dislike the feeling – even when I am trying to sit with the lack of control.
What is your greatest regret?
Opportunities I passed up in life. None specific but just a general passing up of proffered opportunities. Life is for living.
How would you like to die?
I have a morbid daydream that plays out when I am feeling particularly lonely or depressed or sad – that something tragic happens to me and I lay in the hospital for days or weeks, suffering, and I am alone. Its the ultimate pity party fear that crops up when my need for love and validation is not met. So, I would like to die peacefully, surrounded by loved ones, knowing I am loved.
What is your motto?
I don’t have a particular motto but I try to talk about Love as much as I can. Love is the only thing. Maybe that’s my motto. Love is the only thing.
I sang last night.
It was a little after 3am in the Rec Hall at Camp and most everyone else had gone to bed. There were a small handful of us left, enjoying the fire in the fireplace and feeling the effects of the hour and the amounts of alcohol and food consumed.
The owner put on Susan Boyle’s CD to wind down for the night. I hadn’t listened to it before, but found that I could sing along to some of her stuff… I asked him to skip ahead to the one song I knew I could match – Amazing Grace.
Those who knew me once upon a time know I was deeply religious. My faith saw me through times in my life that made little sense and over which I had no control. But my ever curious mind inevitably eroded my faith in the answers provided through a filter of human experience and I turned my spirit to the faith I felt, not one I could rationalize. Love became my religion. But my heart still fills with joy when I’m singing some religious hymns from my youth. Amazing Grace is one.
So I sang. I poured every emotion I had into the singing (and I feel a LOT!) and let my voice fill the hall – stuffing down my insecurities and self consciousness of singing in front of others for a few brief moments so I could fulfill a need. I don’t know if it was technically good, if anyone appreciated it, or if anyone was even truly hearing what it meant to me… but I sang. I walked and I sang. And it felt good.
I think we all have our steam jackets on to help keep our emotions in check, and thusly, we all have our own unique pressure release valves for letting off the excess. I believe mine is singing. Realizations at 3:00am.
