masks

Sunday, 30 March 2014, 19:45 | Category : personal growth
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How many masks do you wear?

Do you wear a mask at work? The Professional…

Do you wear a mask with your friends? The Happy One…

Do you wear a mask with your loved ones? The Reliable One…

But who are you underneath all of these masks? The Authentic You.

I’ve been wondering lately how much of my authentic self shows from beneath the masks I wear. I know some people see it – I can tell by how they respond to me.  Sometimes I think I’m showing my authentic self to someone but I realize later it was just another mask.

I’m not sure I know who the authentic me is without masks…

First day of spring

Thursday, 20 March 2014, 9:50 | Category : personal growth
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Today is the first day of spring. I made a commitment to myself to give myself some space from social media. The point of that commitment was to give myself space to take care of myself during a stressful situation and those I love.

Yesterday I had a really clear message that I need to make this space a larger priority.  I have felt, for quite a while, that I have a habit of pouring more of myself into some relationships than I receive in return. To my mind, this statement sounds incredibly selfish… but maybe that’s where I am and I need to honor it.

I need to focus on me. I need to conserve my energy. I am in a very low place & feeling quite alone. So I am going to nurture the love I have inside until it grows large enough to share again.

Spring is the season of growth and rebirth.

mirror mirror on the wall….

Monday, 17 March 2014, 20:49 | Category : random thoughts
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It never fails to astound me when people respond with malice and hate. What’s the point of expending energy on such a harmful (to the one sending it) activity?   Even worse than run of the mill hate is hate couched in “godliness.”  You cannot – I repeat, can NOT, embody love by sending anyone hate.

In the past two days, I have been sent messages that I am a “horrible human being” and that I am “not of God” and something about being cast out into the mysterious unknown. I assume they meant to say that I wasn’t worthy of God’s presence.   What did I do to deserve such aspersions?  The first one received a grade they didn’t agree with and the second was on the receiving end of a question from me about whether or not they reviewed the same restaurant I ate at (because they brought up sushi & I didn’t remember it being on the menu).   Yep. These are the reasons people chose to spew venom and hate.

I don’t know what about my nature and being triggers such intense reactions in you two people, but I hope you find some way to accept that part of yourself that you find so repugnant in me.

Breathe

Monday, 10 March 2014, 22:10 | Category : Uncategorized
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image

I had too many moments today that made me frustrated. Instead of rehashing or over-thinking them, I present you with this sunflower from our backyard.

and now for some “deep sleep”

Thursday, 6 March 2014, 21:48 | Category : random thoughts
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“Just try to stay as relaxed as possible,” the chiropractor says as he gently cradles my head in his hands. He twists my neck to the side and I know what’s coming and that knowing inevitably causes me to  tense my muscles. He quickly and sharply twists and every piece and part and God-knows-what in my neck makes a horrible cracking and crunching noise as everything aligns. Already I can feel the headache coming on, despite the traction, and the alignment.

As I’m leaving the office, I notice the weather has grown dark and it is raining. My cell phones, both of them, chirp at the same time. Severe weather warnings blink across the top: Tornado warning, take shelter. I walk out to my truck and climb in then click open the map. Yep, that covers my entire drive home.

—-

Believe it or not, I had a good day today. I taught my last seminar of the term (insert cheering audience doing the wave here), I got a ton of stuff at work accomplished, and I’m going to bed before 9pm.  Of course, I do have that headache which is now in full blown raging mode, but I am blessed in ways I can’t begin to count.

I also started a new audio book today: Matched by Ally Condie. I don’t know much about it other than it is part of a trilogy about a dystopian society set in the future. The website shows that apparently it’s quite a popular series (that I had never heard of) and it looks like it is or will be a movie as well. The writing is simple and clean and I enjoy listening to the woman who reads the audio version of it – she’s got an expressive voice.

I listened to a meditation/hypnosis program the other night before I went to bed. It made me laugh because I have never thought of myself as someone who could be hypnotized. The first night I found that I drifted off during the recording and dozed for about 5-10 minutes of the 30 minute program. I snickered at the language the guy used. “When you hear me say ‘deep sleep’ you will find yourself getting relaxed more deeply every time you listen to this program.”   He says it at least 4 times during the recording. That first night it annoyed me.   The second night, apparently, I only heard it once because I woke up at the end of the recording with him saying “5, 4, 3, 2, 1, wake up, wide awake!” …. which means I took the suggestion, and hard, about 10 minutes into the program. Color me hypnotized. I haven’t listened to it again. Part of me is intrigued and the other part of me is a little freaked out.